As we move into the winter months, comfort food can become an even bigger part of our lives. But rather than viewing this as something we need to change or feel guilty about, perhaps it's time to look at comfort eating a little differently.
I'm very mindful of not becoming another voice telling people they need to change everything about the way they eat, as if we don't already have enough on our plates (pun intended!).
For me, gentle, compassionate awareness is always the starting point. Not restriction, not rules and certainly not judgement.
Why do we find comfort in food?
As the days get shorter, the weather turns colder and we spend more time indoors, it's perfectly natural to find ourselves reaching for foods that feel comforting. And you know what? That's absolutely OK.
In fact, when you think about it, our association between food and comfort begins very early in life. From the moment we're born, feeding is about so much more than nutrition. Being soothed through milk, feeding and the simple act of having something to suck or hold in our mouths helps establish an early connection between food, safety and comfort.
As we grow, this connection continues. Food becomes associated with celebrations, family gatherings, happy memories, familiarity and feeling cared for.
There is also a biological element. Eating activates our brain's reward pathways, involving chemicals such as dopamine, which play an important role in motivation, pleasure and reward. So, over time, our brains learn to associate certain foods and eating experiences with feelings of satisfaction and comfort.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with finding pleasure and comfort in food.
Food is supposed to be enjoyed. It can bring us happiness, connection and a sense of wellbeing. We don't need to strip away the emotional side of eating to have a healthy relationship with food.
When does comfort eating become emotional eating?
Perhaps the distinction worth exploring is when comfort eating starts to become something we rely on repeatedly to manage or cushion difficult emotions.
This is what we often refer to as emotional eating.
It might be reaching for chocolate after a particularly stressful day, eating when we're feeling anxious, sad or angry, or finding ourselves grazing when we're bored, lonely or simply looking for something to take our minds away from how we're feeling.
Food can offer a temporary sense of comfort, distraction or relief. And sometimes, that's exactly what we need in that moment.
The difficulty can arise when food becomes our only coping mechanism, or when we find ourselves eating almost automatically, without really being aware of what we're doing.
We can also find ourselves caught in a cycle: we experience an uncomfortable emotion, turn to food for comfort, and then feel guilty or ashamed about having eaten it.
And suddenly, we're not only dealing with the original emotion, but also the guilt that follows.
This is where I think a little more awareness, curiosity and compassion can make a real difference.
Can we change the way we think about comfort food?
I believe we can, but not by trying to eliminate emotional eating altogether.
Eating is an inherently emotional experience. Our memories, moods, environment, relationships and experiences all influence the way we eat. Trying to remove emotion from food would be unrealistic, and quite frankly, unnecessary.
Instead, we can start by becoming a little more curious about our relationship with food.
Rather than asking ourselves, "Why did I eat that? I shouldn't have done that!", perhaps we could try asking:
Am I physically hungry, emotionally hungry, or perhaps a little of both?
What am I feeling right now?
Am I looking for comfort, distraction, pleasure or simply a moment for myself?
Am I actually enjoying what I'm eating?
These aren't questions designed to stop us eating. They're simply opportunities to understand ourselves a little better.
And importantly, if the answer is that you really fancy something comforting, that's absolutely fine. You can allow yourself to enjoy it without attaching guilt or judgement.
The beauty of mindful eating
One of the most helpful things we can do is become more present in the experience of eating. This is the premise of mindful eating.
It's about slowing down where we can, noticing the taste, texture and smell of our food, and allowing ourselves to genuinely enjoy it.
How often do we eat while scrolling on our phones, watching television, working or rushing between one thing and the next? Before we know it, we've finished eating and barely registered the experience.
Sometimes, simply giving ourselves permission to pause and enjoy our food can make a world of difference.
And if we're using food for comfort, we can acknowledge that too. We don't need to judge ourselves for it. We can simply notice what's happening and consider whether there are other things that might help us feel supported.
Perhaps that's a walk, a conversation with someone we love, a warm bath, a little fresh air or simply allowing ourselves some much-needed rest.
Not as a replacement for food, and certainly not as another list of things we should be doing, but as additional ways to care for ourselves.
Food is our friend, not our enemy
Ultimately, I think we need to shift the conversation around food.
Food isn't something we need to fight against, control or feel guilty about. It is life-giving. It sustains us, nourishes us and provides the raw materials our bodies need to function, repair, grow and thrive.
But nourishment isn't always just about vitamins, minerals, protein and fibre.
Sometimes, nourishment is about the warmth of a bowl of homemade soup on a cold winter's evening. It's the familiarity of a favourite meal, the joy of sharing food with family or the comfort of something that reminds us of home.
There is room for all of this in a healthy relationship with food.
Every time we eat, we have an opportunity to nourish ourselves physically, emotionally and sometimes even socially.
So, as we head into the winter months, perhaps the invitation is not to stop comfort eating, but to become a little more aware of it. To enjoy our food, to understand what we might be seeking from it and, above all, to be kinder to ourselves.
Because a healthy relationship with food isn't about taking the comfort out of eating. It's about making peace with it.